February 16, 2011 – Well, I thought it would be a great time to check in on all of you and your “boundary building!” Have you ever taken the opportunity to write in a journal about, “everything your child witnesses in your life on a daily basis?” If you haven’t and you are in a boundary building stage in your parenting, I highly recommend this simple, yet reflective task. You might discover some interesting things or reasons why your boundaries are “not effective, or not taken seriously.” When we get down to the truth in our own daily lives, we find that we are not living what we are teaching….it is not that we do not want too…but the fact remains that it tends to be the main reason our boudaries are collapsing!! Remember, children do what YOU do, not what you say!! Most of our amazing cherubs are FANTASTIC visual learners, therefore they are making visual and motor maps of our actions continuosly. Then you get to the age where language is popping, and older chidlren “need” to share their feelings…and Uh-Oh…we find the sharing, not to our own liking. Well, the honest truth is that we are not executing the BOUNDARIES as a way of LIFE!!! The boundary work begins at birth…right when those cherubs come home…we begin building “loving” fences around them by the way we talk, hold, feed, bathe,and play with them. We demosnstrate our confidence in their new born bodies as we wash, change, feed, and eventually begin to motor their bodies with simple motor movements. Then these cherubs grow…and new boundaries emerge as we introduce foods, play activities, visual exposure, and sound exposure. But, something strange happens when these cherubs begin to REALLY make noise….or some developmental issues begin to appear…we become afraid…we do not want to “upset them,” or as some call it “set them off.” This is when I would love to come along side you and GIRD you up…with the parental heart strength it takes to SAY NO….to stand your ground and hold the boundary so tight that the child feels the LOVE pouring through every splinter of “fencing.” Children want you to HOLD the boundary, but they LEARN it in the deepest way by watching you set boundaries in your own life, as well as standing firm with them. It is a process and must be developed!!! Eventually, they will give you a sweet smile to manipulate, or some harsh or ultra kind words to get you to give in…BUT don’t do it…they are only FLEXING an aspect of emotional power to test you…to SEE if you will really “stay in the game with them.” So whether you are in the YOUNG days of building or you are dancing within that walls with an older child…..remember…HE or SHE is watching YOU….SHOW them your LOVE in your strength and neutrality…your CONFIDENCE in the boundary will create such safety they will realize this is for LIFE…and truly for their BEST LIFE!!! Ok..LIFE GIVERS….build, build, build…and HOLD, HOLD, HOLD those boundaries!!! Sending LOVE from one builder to another….. –DK